the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
