having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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