i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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