I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
