Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
