So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
