yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
