I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
