So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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