my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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