Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
