he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
