She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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