Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
