He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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