I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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