I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
