as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
