Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
