MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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