remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
