I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
