Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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