This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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