omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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