she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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