Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
