Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
