I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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