we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
