3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
