So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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