Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
