Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
