So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
