Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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