naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
