I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
