I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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