with your own penis?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
