Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
false alarm, still single
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
