i permit you to call me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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