she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
