why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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