He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
