More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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