all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
