I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
