i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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