I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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