it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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